Friday, 4 April 2008

Strange emotional day

Yesterday I had to go into town to have a medical with the benefit office. When you are on long term sick and they have moved you onto incapacity benefit every now and then they "invite" you in for a medical examination. If you don't go they remove your benefit, so it's an invitation you can't really afford to turn down.

I understand totally why this has to be done and I know that without balances and checks the benefit system would fall apart and those in most need would fall through the cracks and get nothing, but no matter how smiley, polite and sympathetic looking the person you see in these medicals is, they still have to ask you the government set questions that end up with you feeling like they think you are trying to con them out of money.

No matter that you ache all over and have so much pain that it takes all your will power to not slide off the chair you are sitting on, lay on the floor and cry. You still come away from the meeting feeling like maybe they will stop your benefit.

Dear Benefits Minister

I really don't want to be on benefit. I don't want to have to accept your money. I want to be out there working and earning my own wage. I want to be fit and healthy and still be up to date and current in the Microbiology field, working on some kind of R&D project. I don't want to be a burden on society, so please stop rubbing it in and change the questions and the tone of the medical exam. If I could survive without your kind help I would, but I can't.

I paid national insurance the whole time I was able to work and if I ever become able to work again I will happily pay it again, but please, please, please stop making me feel guilty for something I can do nothing about. I don't choose to be ill. I just am.

Yours, in Pain,