Saturday, 12 April 2008

Oh Bogtrollops and Blargnations!

Have you ever had a weird chastising email from a person you have never met? Well this morning I got an email from someone I'd never met, chastising me for not spreading the love of the wiggle enough, because I hadn't replied to her original email to meet up with her to teach her new moves. Well excuse me! So despite being sick, am I not the one that set up and offered a prize of £50 in a competition for hula hoop moves? Am I not the one that tried very hard to organise a hoop meet for all the UK hoopers on Hyperloop Hoop and Tribe? Did this person get involved in either of these things? Did she f^@&! I've never set eyes on this person before, yet she has managed to get hold of Jon's mobile phone number, some how and she is telling me I'm not living up to her ideal of what a dedicated hula hooper is.

To be fair she has sent me an apology since, because I explained that I have been ill and that is why I hadn't contacted her about meeting up, but honestly, where do some people get off? I would never have the nerve to send someone I didn't know an email like that. Blah! I really didn't need this sort of negative input into my life right now. It's hard enough to keep going without being reminded by a stranger that you are not living up to peoples expectations of you.

Thursday, 10 April 2008

Good intentions don't always work out.

Last night, before going to sleep, I decided that as soon as I woke up I would get up and dressed and start cleaning up this house. I had all good intentions of dusting and hooving through, but when it came to it I woke up really stiff and my brain took hours to get into gear. It took me from 8.30 am until about 11.30 am to even get out of bed and get dressed.

I did manage to go into the garden later on and help Jon to cut back a few more bramble bushes, that is until it started to rain. I didn't really manage to do all that much but it's better than nothing. I am now back in bed, trying to get warm. My bodies thermostat is a bit screwed up. I don't seem to be able to keep it in balance. I swing from feeling freezing up to feeling faint from being too hot.

Ah well. Maybe I'll get some cleaning done tomorrow, before we get lost in a great big pile of dust.

Sunday, 6 April 2008

No energy

I'm laying in bed trying hard not to be miserable. No Energy and no will power to force myself to do anything. I have a million and one ideas bouncing around my head but no way of sorting out any of them into becoming a reality. I'm feeling very trapped inside this body of mine.

What I need is a person that has no ideas and nothing to do. A person who can be the doer for all my ideas. Team work! Jon isn't really a doer, he is more of a day dreamer than I am. He'd rather spend all day playing World of Warcraft than even pick up a paint brush. This house will never get finished!

Maybe I should put an ad in the paper for a handy person. A person who can make my ideas become reality. Hmmm... or I could just have a body transplant.

If that isn't possible, it might be time to get the giant bunny costume and take a trip to the vets.

Friday, 4 April 2008

Strange emotional day

Yesterday I had to go into town to have a medical with the benefit office. When you are on long term sick and they have moved you onto incapacity benefit every now and then they "invite" you in for a medical examination. If you don't go they remove your benefit, so it's an invitation you can't really afford to turn down.

I understand totally why this has to be done and I know that without balances and checks the benefit system would fall apart and those in most need would fall through the cracks and get nothing, but no matter how smiley, polite and sympathetic looking the person you see in these medicals is, they still have to ask you the government set questions that end up with you feeling like they think you are trying to con them out of money.

No matter that you ache all over and have so much pain that it takes all your will power to not slide off the chair you are sitting on, lay on the floor and cry. You still come away from the meeting feeling like maybe they will stop your benefit.

Dear Benefits Minister

I really don't want to be on benefit. I don't want to have to accept your money. I want to be out there working and earning my own wage. I want to be fit and healthy and still be up to date and current in the Microbiology field, working on some kind of R&D project. I don't want to be a burden on society, so please stop rubbing it in and change the questions and the tone of the medical exam. If I could survive without your kind help I would, but I can't.

I paid national insurance the whole time I was able to work and if I ever become able to work again I will happily pay it again, but please, please, please stop making me feel guilty for something I can do nothing about. I don't choose to be ill. I just am.

Yours, in Pain,